


He left

by Xiu_baby



Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:09:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7154876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xiu_baby/pseuds/Xiu_baby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeon Jeongguk wakes up to find something missing from his life one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He left

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me for my bad writing. I wrote this one ages ago. I hope you like it!

He packed his bags. _Silently_.

I was asleep the entire time he was planning to escape.

_Escaping from me._

_Us._

I had no idea where things went wrong. One moment he would beg for me to stay in his arms a little longer and the other, he would push me away like I did something so wrong that he couldn’t bear my presence.

 

Four months have passed away and people still ask me about us.

_We were inseparable._

In my mind we had a planned future but I think he was always struggling with his feelings.

_If only I had known._

The first time we met I had an instant disliking towards him. Because he was fucking gorgeous and I was threatened. It was also a sudden unfelt lust towards him which I refused to accept. But I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

People noticed. It was natural. I was the centre forward of the football team since forever and he took my position. I was the best in what I did and being close behind him didn’t suit me. We started losing. And I started blaming him (although it was my fault for spacing out and not passing the ball to him). He was new, he had no support. Everybody took my side and one day I saw him leave out of frustration. I didn’t bother to follow him.

The morning after the night he left me, I remember waking up with a smile thinking that he would be there next to me. He always used to wonder why I used to wake up with a smile on my face and I told him that it was a stress buster because seeing a hot; naked man beside me would cause me to worry for not being born with exceptional looks. Now when I wake up every morning, seeing the other side of bed cold and lonely, I pretend that he would come to me the next morning only to check if my smile is a reflex or he is the reason behind it. But I cannot smile.

I write letters to him with incorrect grammar hoping that he would correct it with a red pen. But I don’t know the postal address.

_Where did you go, Kim Taehyung?_

However one day I followed him, after going a little overboard for losing a match. He went to the washroom with tears coming out of his eyes like a sacred waterfall and I couldn’t help myself but apologize. If Baekhyun heard about the fact that I apologized to someone, he would check my temperature. _Because I was a selfish bastard that way_. My ego, my pride was everything to me.

But I fucking changed for him. And I saw him changing. He made all the significant changes in me. He fixed me only to break me apart, and now I am unfixable like before except the fact that the previous me didn’t love the previous him.

Soon after I apologized, we heard members coming to the washroom. I took his hand and hid us in the only shower compartment because those fuckers would bully him after seeing those tears in his eyes. That was the first mistake I made in my life. I was being considerate towards someone. His face tensed up and I explained that people can’t see him like this by hand gestures and whispers. Chanyeol did knock the door to ask who was in there and I satisfied his curiosity by saying that it was me and he went away after he got his answer.

_You were so close to me that time. I couldn’t breathe, he told me once._

I had to start showering because people would ask what I was doing in there if I wasn’t showering. Water started dripping from above and I saw his jersey sticking to his body. We both were drenched in water and I caught him staring at my torso. It was awkward, I agree. He left immediately after those people went away without saying a word. And later that night I discovered that I was talking to myself.

All my life I was sure I was straight. I had to be. I had never heard of a _gay_ footballer. So I never thought much about it. But I never chased girls either. They chased after me and I never had the time to look at them (also because I was busy staring at him).

But it did get annoying when those dumb girls started chasing him everywhere. Who gave them the right? They didn’t know anything about him (not that I knew his real self either) yet they followed him calling him _Oppa, Oppa_.

The next day after unexpectedly showering with him I went to an ice-cream parlor only to find out that he worked there. No wonder it was crowded with girls and their high-pitched voices. I avoided eye contact with him and asked him to get me a black current. I thought that I would run away as soon as he gave me the ice cream but I couldn’t because he fucking bought me a Sundae saying that it was for saving him from the embarrassment.

_Embarrassment. I know now how it feels like._

I would push him away and he was adamant to befriend me. He was too precious to be my friend. Only assholes like Baekhyun and Chanyeol could be my friend. How could Kim Taehyung be Jeon Jeongguk’s friend? _It didn’t turn out to be friendship, in the end_.

He would do little favours for me. Like saving a seat for me, putting a towel on my head, always saving an extra bottle for me after practice, buying me my favourite ice cream now and then. I started enjoying his company. And I fell for him somewhere in the middle of enjoyment.

We started winning matches again. I got used to my position and stopped spacing out. Everything in my world was going good until I saw him chatting with a girl at work. A sense of jealousy and possessiveness grew inside of me and I felt helpless because I wanted to take his hand rightfully and kiss him on his lips and elsewhere but I could not. I didn’t talk to him for two days and skipped practice.

The first time he came to my apartment was then. I remember very clearly how my maid called out to me saying that one of my friends wanted to meet me and I had not expected him to be there. “I don’t want to meet Baekhyun”, I said to her and _I did not meet Baekhyun that day for sure_. He kept asking me what was wrong with me and I kept avoiding confrontation. I started being passive aggressive but he couldn’t catch any hint. I ended up telling him that “he shouldn’t play around with bitches and should think about the team.”

_But I am gay, he said._

_What? You didn’t tell me._

_Why? Everybody knew._

I did a little dance in his mind when he heard that and it almost felt like a confession (even if he could like other people from work or the team).

When I see this apartment I feel less of myself and more of him because he was everywhere. On the couch, on the bed, in the kitchen and now it feels as if the house misses him as much as I do. He packed everything he owned. He was careful enough to not take anything which was mine. Not even as a souvenir or a memory. And he didn’t leave anything for me to remember as well; _except for those memories of us_.

“I will forget him”, I say this to Chanyeol often. He tries to hook me up sometimes with one of his friends or his friends of friends and trust me; I cannot see any of them being anything like him.

I wasn’t the first one to confess my feelings. One day I was down with fever and I called Baekhyun to tell him that ( _because I am an attention whore_ ) and he exaggerated my sickness to him ( _because he is a bigger one than I am_ ) and he ended up being next to me ( _and I felt a thousand times better_ ). I was half asleep when I heard him talking to me. Before going away he kissed on my forehead and I realised that in the middle of somewhere he had also fallen for me (I guess).

The next day after practice I held his hand and at first he gave a little smile but then when I continued holding it he looked at me with his eyes wide open. Everyone noticed.

_“I wasn’t exactly sleeping so...”, I said to him._

A mutual liking and flirtatious texting wasn’t bad. Not until he started crashing my place. I knew he wanted to do things with me. I wasn’t ready. I mean, how could I just start off without a warning? But one day I decided to crash his place. He had a smaller apartment than I had but it smelt like lavender and muskmelons somehow and I felt like home there. And because it was his house, he was in charge of everything. He would come out of the bathroom without a shirt on, or would drop his towel once or twice and it was very hard for me to endure whatever the fuck was happening to me inside. Soon those little tactics resulted into me pinning him against the wall. That little fucker smiled, of course.

One thing Kim Taehyung liked the most was gazing at the stars. He would come to my terrace often at night just to stare at the sky full of stars. He told me once “I can look at the stars forever and not get bored. Don’t you think they tell us an untold story- like there is a message they are trying to convey and you and I aren’t understanding” to which I asked “Really? And what do you think they are trying to say?” He simply smiled and replied “ _They are asking me to hold on to you more often and telling you to not give up on me_.” I asked him why he thought that I would give up on him but by then he had fallen asleep in my arms. I wasn’t sure if the last thought that occurred to him before sleeping was me or the stars. That day I decided to look at the sky a little longer than he did to see if there was an untold story after all or not.

Four weeks before he left me, an unfortunate event took place. He wanted to drive my car. I refused at first because he was not experienced and I never allowed anyone to drive my car. He started showing unnecessary aegyo and I ended up letting him drive my car. He was okay with it and soon I started letting him drive a little more than I did. And soon he started taking it out a lot. Since he was fine I never bothered. But one day I received a call from the hospital saying that he had hurt his leg in a car accident and that I had to come to get him. He apologized for it but I wasn’t concerned about the car anymore. It was his leg which suffered the most.

_He couldn’t play anymore. The doctors said._

I was given back the position I didn’t need any more. It did hurt to see him watching us from the stands. I wanted him to play as the centre forward. But it wasn’t possible. Soon I started blaming myself for whatever happened. And he started blaming our relationship. That is when he left. He didn’t hold on to me. (Six months later) I was sitting in a bar listening to Chanyeol talking about his so called tragic love story. I had listened to how Baekhyun and he broke up over food for the tenth time (I am exaggerating a bit but it is true) and I swear it isn’t one bit tragic. They would be on each others’ throats one day and kiss each others’ asses the next. And I know about this because Baekhyun now lives with me (he is a pain in the arse, I swear). I was about to give up on their story when I saw Park Jimin approaching towards me. “This is your chance”, I heard Chanyeol whispering.

Park Jimin had been interested in me since quite some time. I decided I will reject him like I rejected the others but a thought occurred to me. It is not like he is coming back. Between the drinks and bed sheets, I found myself kissing Jimin. Kissing him was like kissing a lifeless object. Maybe not that bad but _it was nothing as compared to kissing Taehyung._

He wanted to go down on me and I let him. Nothing felt good and I felt like ants were crawling on my back. Like I did something so wrong. I felt like I was betraying someone. Yes, that someone probably doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore but I didn’t feel nice. On the same bed I used to sleep with Taehyung and on the same bed I had brought a stranger with me. I was betraying my feelings. I told Jimin that I wasn’t ready for sex yet. He left satisfying himself fulfilling on the need of jerking off.

I checked my phone to see the time when I received a text from Baekhyun asking me to check our mail because he was going to receive some courier. I checked my mail box. There were three mails that I had received out of which two were from a courier company. I checked the third mail and saw my name written in caps. The handwriting was familiar. I began reading the letter, realising the fact that it was from him. _Kim Taehyung_.

**_I meant to write to you sooner and do a proper job at explaining why things happened the way they did but somehow I couldn’t bring myself the courage to write to you. Be it a sense of guilt of leaving you or the lack of words to express my emotions- I don’t know. But I figured that if I don’t write now, I will lose everything I ever loved._ **

**_Yes, that night I shouted at you. I said that being in a relationship was a bad idea. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I was frustrated because football meant a lot to me and now I couldn’t play anymore. But it was not your fault. It was my fault for being careless and yes, by doubting on us I made a huge mistake._ **

**_I wanted to wake you up that night. I wanted to fight with you a little more. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to make me stay somehow. But seeing you sleep without any hint of trouble made me agitated. I thought that you didn’t care for me. I thought that you didn’t understand what I was going through. I was mad at myself for being careless and somehow I blamed it on you. I left._ **

**_The moment I stepped out of our apartment. I regretted my decision. I wanted to come back but I thought that if I go back you would wake up and ask me questions- why ha_ ** **_ve I packed my bags? Why did I felt the need to leave you? Was I sick of you or our relationship? And at that time I didn’t know the answers to those questions._ **

**_Feelings are cruel._ **

**_I moved to my brother’s place. My leg started healing, though I still cannot play. And Jeongguk, not once have I not thought about you._ **

**_I have started working in a cafe. Every time a girl flirts with me, I think of you. I remember those times when you simply dragged me out of the parlor and gave me a lecture on how I should be a good boyfriend and never let anyone flirt with me. When I used to say that I can’t help being desirable, you used to be passive aggressive till I ended up buying you a Sundae to cheer you up. You used to give me a “last warning” but soon I got dragged out of the parlor again._ **

**_Please understand that from the moment you took my hand, I have loved you._ **

**_I remember how you used to catch a random train to a random station and explore new places with me. I was scared but thinking about the fact that you were there with me used to be a relief. I still remember getting lost once and how panicky you got. And you used to say that you were more chilled out among us. In the end I figured a way back to home somehow and you jumped on the bed when we came back home. After that we never went exploring together. Although I do that on my own now hoping that we would cross paths, but we don’t._ **

**_I am writing this letter to you, saying that I love you. And I wanted to come back. I didn’t have the courage to simply go back._ **

**_I was also scared of you. Scared of what I would find if I came back. Maybe you might have moved on from us with someone better than me. Someone who actually deserves you. And so it took me more than a year to post this to you._ **

**_I properly want to end this because by now you must have returned to disliking me. I am okay with that too, really. I have harmed you more than I have harmed myself._ **

**_I hope good things happen to you from now._ **

**_With love, Tae._ **

I couldn’t believe he wrote to me. At first I thought it was Baekhyun pranking on me but then I was pretty sure it was Taehyung’s handwriting. I re-read the letter once again because I couldn’t believe my luck. He thought I would give up on him too soon. What an idiot? I looked at the postal address once again and noted it on a paper.

As I boarded the nearest train my heart fluttered. I always liked travelling in trains but for the first time a sense of anxiety, nervousness and fear took place over my body as I shivered. I was meeting the love of my life after a fucking year.

As I rang the doorbell I felt like escaping because I could not look him directly in his eyes. What if he wanted to break up? I was going to leave when I saw someone at the door. Kim Taehyung. We looked at each other without saying anything. I wanted to hear his voice but he wasn’t saying anything. I wanted to speak but nothing came out of my mouth either.

At last I saw tears coming out of his eyes. Before I could interpret the situation I realised he was hugging me and crying loudly.

“Uh, you are an ugly crier”, I finally said.

“I don’t care”, he replied after a pause before resuming the stream of tears.

The stars did give a good advice to us by the way.

_I wasn’t giving up on him already._

**Author's Note:**

> Not that it is necessary or anything but I would love if you give me a feedback of this story.


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